EMPATHY

Let's start with some silly stories;

1. Mrs.Peterson & Sister Martha are neighbours. They often see each other walking down streets, at stores, sometimes at balcony sipping their cup of tea. Mrs.Peterson have a drinking problem & often have breakdown episodes beside her ongoing strict plan for abstinence. Sister Martha frown upon her situation & says she can help her recover through the path of God.

2. Muller is a nice guy, with two good friends, with whom he shares almost everything. Family problems, peer problems. They'd give each other reassurance that their problems aren't big & they'll outgrow them sooner or later. Everything was fine until one day, Muller is diagnosed with GAD(Generalized Anxiety Disorder). Mullers's therapist defined his condition severe & said the symptoms were rooted in him gradually. 

Now imagine living in a world where these strange stories are normal. Only you find them strange. How'd you feel about it? Will you be able to feel normal? Maybe you feel unusual & would tell your friend about it. And listening to your situation, your friend tells you that he understands it but what can you really do about it? You live in a world where sometimes things work according to you, sometimes they don't. C'est la vie, thats life, you've to deal with it. 

How does that sounds?

Useless right? but how can it be useless, your friend is there to help you, he/she understands your situation!

Because, what your friend gave you in the name of empathy is sympathy, a mere assurance that things would be fine & what really can we do about it? 

Then what an empath would've said?

Maybe "I understand how you feel, I feel the same way about some things." or "I know how it must've felt, sometimes I feel unusual/unbelonged as well." 

I ain't saying these are the only ways to reply to your friend when they're in distress, but these could be possible replies, making them feel you're in phase with their feelings.

Empathy is really about making the person feel you understand their situation & also understanding that they can deal with their problems. They can solve it on their own.

By doing so you give them opportunity to be in charge of their problems rather than telling them their problems are big enough to be completely solved.

Back to Mrs.Peterson & Muller - 

Take the example of Mrs.Peterson having a drinking problem, how do you think people would react to her situation? What kind of demeanor do you think she holds in society? 

Some might see her as lonely old lady with problems, others might see her as an addict.

Sister Martha felt the same way about her. And out of pity, she offered to help by a way in which she believes. Did she once tried of asking Mrs.Peterson that if she needs help?

(It's good to offer help, but you ought to ask if it's needed)

How often you see a person with drinking problems being labelised & stigmatised not even for their substance use but even for seeking treatment?! Don't you come across people talking about person with substance use, pointing out they're on abstinence or rehab or visiting a therapist? 

And what about Muller? 

Do you think he's living the ideal lifestyle? Do you think he lives in an empathetic environment?

His therapist clearly stated his symptoms were rooted gradually, then why couldn't he share the symptoms when they first appeared? Why couldn't his best friends see that something is wrong with him in first place when they'd talk about almost everything?

 

The answer is lack of empathy.

EMPATHY 

So what really is empathy? You can easily google the vivid & more exact definitions for it. But I've got to say something here; 

When you try to understand the way other person feels in a particular emotion or situation, you walk on the path of empathy.

Also an empath would not always find solutions for one's problem, instead they'd leave that part to sufferer; giving them sense of power that they're capable of finding out solution on their own.

I've got to say something more here, Don't think of empathy as an ability. Think of it as a simple act that can be done with little practise. Like learning to ride a bicycle, blow a balloon, using a machine etc. 

You'd be an empath with little practise. 

e.g, 

Sister Martha instead of assuming that Mrs.Peterson needed help, she'd ask her - 

How she feels about her problem? 

What can be done to make her feel good about herself?

Is she willing to try another treatment?

Or Muller's friend could tell him - 

He's not alone in this problem, they'll always be present their to help him out.

We're sorry that instead of understanding your real problem we keep telling you it'll be fine & that it's fine to feel this way.

Please don't confuse empathy for sympathy.

We all have got empathy into us, our brain has mirror neurons which light-up when we sense pain in others. If it wasn't required, why'd we have it in us? 

How not to be affected with negativity? 

Do you remember Musa & her fancy headphones from Fate: The Winx Saga on Netflix?

She is a Mind Fairy & by that, an Empath. And that was also the reason for her misery. She could continuosly listen the truth in other's head & how do they really felt about something. 

Imagine being in Musa's shoes. 

Doing good for others doesn't mean to do bad with yourself.

At the end of the day, we need to realise that the force that drives us, also boons us with joy & curse us with misery. You can never make a choice that is above it. One way or another we all our outcome of a system. Being able to be here & flying above the negativity is the true power. And maybe the only sane way to live a life.

To quote Sia; 

I don't care if I sing off key,

I've found myself in my melodies,

I sing for love,

I sing for me,

I shout it out like a bird set free.

Thank you for reading till the end. Please leave a comment if you find something interesting in it.